When you realise you dont have it anymore

And feel that you have been shot through the heart

The presence that i always felt. The connection i thought i always had. Is now gone

And that comes as a surprise. Shock. Disbelief.
How come a person who meant so much to me feels invisible to me. Even when she was right in front of me.
That shatters every mask that i was wearing. Every single fucking mask i wore to hide the me. Not from others but from myself

Who am i? Where will i end up?
These questions haunt me. Give me sleepless nights and a head with no thoughts
Just emptiness

What do i need to fill this void feeling?

No answer i can agree upon

Just blaming myself wont help. Neither will her words asking me to wait four years for her.
The wait. Worst thing that can happen to anyone
Why should i wait? For what should i wait? Miracle? No miracles dont happen

I wish i could confront her. For once and for all.
Life is becoming unbearable.

But i have to live through this. And this very thought sickens me


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